I want my body back, as it was before I got pregnant, right away! No one is preparing you for what is to come after you give birth, you expect that magically, you will suddenly become who you were. You look in the mirror, you see the image of your body and you don’t recognize it. You talk to friends and acquaintances and they tell you aaa yes, it takes time, do not rush. Yes, but I want my body back, now! That’s what you told me… Who is she in the mirror? And you run to the crying baby, to breastfeed her, to change her or just hug her. My baby, I love you so much, my little angel. But I don’t know myself… And I have to discover myself from the beginning.
So I redefine myself, not only physically, but also as a partner, as a professional (because it’s all meteoric in the country we live in for working mothers), as a human being in general, I’m a mom now. And if I want to be a good mom, I have to find myself again, to love this new woman that I have become, with the new curves, with the new obligations, with the new life that is trying to fit into the old.
So where do I start? From the obvious, my body, and not just to look good, but to feel good, to do something for myself in this chaos. So I talked to my husband and asked time for myself, that is, to hold the baby for 2 hours 3 times a week. I told him that if you want me to be happy and then be a good mom you have to give me some time, and that’s what happened. At exactly 40 days I got the ok from my doctor, and with a heavy heart and guilt eating me I left my baby with his grandmother and went for my yoga in a studio near my house because although I was a yoga teacher all efforts inside the house were unsuccessful.
I entered the room, I started my practice, frustration, I couldn’t do anything. The cesarean section, the kilos that were there and even the abstinence from exercise made my work very difficult and of course the most important thing, my mind was on the baby and not on my practice. I asked to get my phone in the room since now I have a baby and for my good luck (I say now) the school teacher told me no! Take your time…
I came home, the baby was fine without me for 2 hours, I think even better that she spent some time with her grandmother, but I honestly believed that I would never find my strength again, I would never be like I used to be never again.
At that moment I made the decision not to give up, it doesn’t matter what you do on your mat but being there, on the date you make with yourself. So I stuck on my schedule, and despite my frustration, I was there in my practice, I was breathing, I was sweating, I was falling, I was falling again and I was getting up again, I did the best I could. My practice did not include difficult, impressive positions, such as before pregnancy, but simple things, basic, whatever I could do to find and build my strength from the beginning.
Five months later I’m grateful, I’m not like before I gave birth but I’m sure I’m very close, and I’m probably better now. I am more confident, more stable, stronger than before, in a different way. And you know why? Because I did it again! I didn’t give up, I continued with my belly cut, tired from the insomnia of the first time, with my mind on the baby and with everything that bothers you at the beginning to give me some time. To exercise, to observe, to think or not to think about anything, to show me that I love myself. Be me, Marianna first and then mom, partner, yoga teacher and everything else I ask of myself to be in my daily life.
Happiness is having a good time with yourself, something that you easily lose in the beginning with motherhood. But there are some things that can help you find yourself again, one of which is in contact with your body. It’s a good start.
And since I did it, you can too!